Honest Talk About Our ADULT Responsibilities.

Written By: Scott Compton

Here is some hard talk that most parents will avoid like the plague. We are either in control or out of control. Many parents have been seeded with the idea, “My husband or wife is ‘being controlling’ when parenting,” as if the word “controlling” is a so horrible, bad thing to be, and some other choice is a more acceptable alternative. The connotation of the word Control gets people to change their behaviors and avoid “being controlling.” It’s usually an illusion because it’s usually a lack of communication between a couple.

Parents, listen up. If one parent is not in control, then the child is in control instead. Does the child have your experiences, wisdom and intelligence? If you have a problem with your spouse making decisions about when to go to sleep, time spent consuming tech, etc., then grow a backbone and have a harder conversation about what tactics to use with the child, so both parents can be aligned about the best ways to use their “dual-control” over a child’s behavior. What we have now is, one or both parents having HORRIBLE tech behaviors, which serve as terrible role models for their children. When parents are not doing their job, children will often take the opportunity to gain more control over a parent’s lack of role modeling.

Children love boundaries and obstacles and will be testing them 24/7. Parents need to expect they will be tested and then respond accordingly. Sadly, when one parent attempts to establish boundaries, often the other parent may think, “I’d do it way differently” and this could result in name-calling, “Your way is ‘very controlling’ over our child” because the parents are not on the same page. The word “controlling” is the term humans use to paint, what might be very healthy boundaries in a bad way.

See through the BS illusion before it’s too late, and start communicating in your relationships. Be adults and not children. Establish the proper boundaries, then follow through, dang it! Sometimes it is hard to follow through, but support your significant other’s good intentions and find a path to parent more effectively.

Consider scheduling with me if you need more balance in your parenting relationship and/or help setting healthy boundaries with your children.