Emotional Intelligence

Some introspective ramblings….

When people look deeper into themselves, they build a greater relationship with themselves. We can all build a greater awareness of figuring out “why we do what we do individually.” Often, there are two huge aspects of “Identity and Worth” at play in what lenses we look through to evaluate ourselves, on the inside. Once a person feels uncomfortable enough to understand the fears, insecurities, shadows, desires, motivations and purposes within, that human opens and unfolds in greater ways, do they not?

Part of this journey is emotional intelligence, but it’s also discovering what’s actually going on from the programming we had in our youth as well as the programming, reactions and coping mechanisms we developed in relationships. By the way, there are many forces and groups in this world that wish to modify and alter your Identity and Worth, for their control over others, but that’s another conversation.

For the Emotional Intelligence aspect, women crave to find this harder to find quality in men in 2025…. because Emotional Intelligence has been a more rare quality in the last 30 years in particular.

Men, if you want to know why women typically gravitate toward older movies on TCM or from Jane Austin books, we see men who are regulated. Meaning, confidence doesn’t come from some James Dean character, but it comes from knowing oneself, so she can be confident to know who you are… a known stability in persona and character builds up a security and a feeling of safety in her. Here is a key takeaway that cannot be overlooked. It’s the “Feeling of Safety” that’s important.

Often and at times, that feeling isn’t tangible at all. But if she knows you as a stable force of masculine energy, she’ll feel like she can search her feelings to know what’s in them… it’s a mixture of many things she’s processing. This mixture is riddled with the past and present, anxieties about the future, hope for the future, illusions and realities all intertwined with each other. She’s not necessarily looking for immediate answers. Here is where many men may not know how to approach a woman who is sharing her feelings.

Emotional Intelligence is not the urge to fix her, but an Active Listening so she’s feeling understood. Often she might switch into unloading her feelings, and because men compartmentalize, if he’s not aware of her switch happening in any given moment, he might be quite challenged and confused if he’s unable to shift frames alongside her. This is another aspect of the Emotional Intelligence skills men develop over years of experiencing the range of energies an emotional conversation may take on.

It’s not only a man-needed quality. Everyone is tested here with how emotions and feelings flow and come out, and how the energies control us or how we transform them instead. These points are critical for deflection and absorption of energies for transformation… meaning, no matter what feelings and emotions come at a person, if you’re in-touch with your own worth and identity, and you are aware enough in a moment, then you’ve possibly created a new confidence for all of your relationships in your life. In other words, when you encounter many toxic energies from people, it becomes very hard for them to play mind games with you. It’s very hard for them to “get your goat” or try to disrespect you.

Disrespect itself comes from your core, not what they may be trying to project on you. If awareness can be maintained, then if you learn to pause before reacting, any narcissist or manipulator or gaslighter can’t disrespect you and blame you. You know you. You’re in your own energy, and any projections that come your way will be known for how truthful, half-truthful or non-truthful they are to you. To master all of it, the mastery is in the voice as much as all of the non-verbals. If you’re solid in you, you’re far less likely to be taken advantage of… you’re a force of power and stability and when it comes time to role-model to the next generation, you’re prepared to guide them into a place where they are more stable and understanding of what’s going on inside of them as well.

What’s often left out of the equation is acknowledging everything inside of us. If we leave out parts and have problems confronting things in us, we leave out the entire point of human nature itself. We sort of live going through the motions, rather than looking for where the motivations are coming from. We also become more inauthentic with ourselves. We also develop fears around what might happen if others found out about what might be going on inside of our own shadows. I suspect at least, the greatest and most virtuous of people have had the courage and bravery to confront themselves, so those dark parts do not come out and manifest upon others in their lives. Looking at only the good, helps the bad and the ugly to hide deeper for these reasons.

Why is this all important? Because if you don’t have a solid and powerful connection with yourself, how can you expect to have a solid and powerful connection with someone else in a relationship? Once we go down this path into ourselves and make it part of a normal routine to look as much on the inside along with everything going on in this crazy world outside of us, we discover a great deal more about Human Nature itself.

Want to learn more? Book A Relationship Dyanmics Session With Scott Today!